From time to time, though, I find myself faced with a different type of job — a private commission. These can be family portraits, baby photos or weddings. And while I enjoy any job (I’m getting paid to take pictures, after all!), the client relationship can be very different, particularly in terms of matching expectations with the commitment required meet them.

A Tale of Two Weddings

To clarify what I mean, I’ll use the example of two weddings I photographed where the expectations of the couples were very different — and yet were a perfect match for the commitment they were willing to make to the photography.

In the first case, the happy couple wanted photographs of their day, but didn’t necessarily want to be photographed. They had heard stories of friends’ weddings where the photographer had been intrusive, distracting or generally “in the way.”

The couple didn’t want the day to be “staccatoed” by a photographer continually interrupting the events to get different shots, taking away from the proceedings and stopping them from letting their hair down.

A more low-key approach suited their aims (and my style) perfectly. Apart from the traditional line-up photographs of friends and family, they opted for the candid approach to wedding photography. Non-intrusive documentation of the day, with happy portraits of people conversing, enjoying themselves and celebrating their friends’ union.

A Greater Commitment

By contrast, another wedding I booked required a much greater commitment on the part of the bride and groom and their families.

They had seen the work of wedding photographers such as Jasmine Star and Ann Hamilton, and rather than just documenting proceedings, they were looking for something that captured the essence of their relationship and the love they felt for each other as well.

They wanted photographs that were a symbol of the day, rather than just a record of it. They understood that to achieve this would mean putting aside a period of time during the day just to pose for photographs.

With their input and efforts, the mission was accomplished and everyone was happy.

I’ve specifically mentioned Star and Hamilton (who also takes amazing photographs of dogs!) because I admire and respect their work in the field of wedding photography. They’re at the top of their game, and are two of a new breed of wedding photographers who are producing beautiful pictures that capture the romance, personalities and magic of the special day.

I see what they do as being a typically American approach to the art that requires dedication and skill, and is fast becoming popular on this side of the Atlantic, too.

But achieving photos of this quality and style requires input and work from all parties — not just the photographer. The bride and groom must be prepared to put some effort into helping the photographer create the images that everyone is looking for.

Matching Commitment to Expectations

Which brings me to the example of a third wedding I shot.

In this case, the couple had seen pictures in the style of Star and Hamilton, and wanted to create similar memories of their day. But in planning their day they hadn’t included time for photography.

Indeed, they didn’t like the idea of being asked to participate in photographs to this extent, reeling away (in true British style) from being asked to pose for such pictures.

Clearly, they weren’t aware of the interaction required, and the work expected of them to achieve their goals. So ultimately, after we discussed the pros and cons of different photographic styles, and with my advice, they opted for a more documentary style of coverage.

The lesson for clients here is that when you’re booking a photographer for your wedding, consider what might be expected of you in order to achieve the pictures you are looking for.

If you can’t set aside time for photography on the day or don’t want the photography to be too intrusive, you may be better advised to opt for the candid documentary approach. If you want something more atmospheric that will recreate a feeling of romance whenever you look at the photos, you may have to put more work into it than you expect.

Ultimately, you need to speak with your photographer, and listen to what he or she suggests. Remember — you don’t get married every day, so it’s worth putting in the effort to capture the images you really want.

A few ideas and things to consider when preparing for your wedding photography…

To create and preserve pictorial memories that last a lifetime, you need to be assertive and specific about your desires.

1. Do your homework

Spend time researching photographers, looking at their work, and meeting with them.

Tip: List all the poses you want in the order they will probably occur.  This makes it easier to check off which ones have been taken.

1. Assign your own “photographer’s assistant”

This person’s allegiance will be to you, not the photographer.  Choose someone close to you who will know your family and friends and be able to point them out to the photographer.  Give your photo assistant his or her own copy of your “list of must-have shots” to check off as each one is taken.  This way the pressure is off you to stay on top of your photographer.  Make sure your loved ones look fantastic in all your shots by having your photo assistant check smiles and fix hair, dresses, flowers, etc.  A little preventative care can help ensure everyone (and everything) is preserved in your photo album looking their best.

1. Inform photographer of special events

Throwing a surprise or two into your wedding or reception helps to keep a magical, spontaneous atmosphere.  For example, some brides like to slip out of the reception to change dresses and return with a grand entrance to dance the night away.  Be sure to let your photographer in on the secret!  Otherwise, you may miss what can be the best candid photos of special moments in your wedding or reception.

1. Mix it up

Have your photographer take different kinds of shots.  Unusual angles or fuzzy focus can add interest to traditional photographs.  Zoom in so close on the wedding cake you can see the texture, or photograph the bride and grooms hands as they talk at the reception table.

In addition, candid photos are often taken by guests at the reception tables.  These provide a delightful complement to the more formal compositions of a professional photographer.  When it comes time to place your photos in a wedding album, arrange them so their varying size and style will add visual interest to each page.

1. To color or not to color?

Many of today’s brides are having their photographer snap both color and black and white photos.

Black and white images provide a classic, timeless look.  This traditional approach focuses in on your faces and expressions of love without the flashy distractions of color.

Color adds a liveliness and reality to photos and can preserve a more accurate record of how your day really appeared.  After all, you do not want to have spent all that time anguishing over your wedding colors for nothing!  Get the best of both worlds by combining the two approaches.

1. You (usually) get what you pay for

“PAY MORE FOR BETTER PICTURES, you’ll kick yourself later if you don’t.  We paid more, but they turned out great!”

This does not mean you cannot save money on your photography budget; just remember not to cut corners on the quality of images.  Once your wedding day is over, you will be left with your memories and your photographs.  Make sure you have the best you can afford!

All the Legalities

Don’t forget to discuss the legal issues pertaining to your upcoming wedding, such as:

◊ Finding any previous-relationship divorce or annulment papers the town will need to see before granting you a marriage license, or that your house of worship needs to see
◊ Talking to an attorney about prenuptial agreements
◊ Talking to an attorney about creating wills and other important documents
◊ Talking to a financial advisor about your money goals

NINE MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING
◊ Find out your local marriage license requirements
◊ Schedule the date you’ll go together to apply for your marriage license
◊ Schedule any medical tests necessary for your license to be granted
◊ Meet with your officiant about your ceremony plans and pre-wedding classes
◊ Meet with your caterer to discuss your menu, wedding setup, requirements, etc.
◊ Plan beverage requirements, bartenders needed and bar set-up
◊ Select packages with your photographer
◊ Select packages with your videographer
◊ Select packages with your entertainers
◊ Meet with your florist to design bouquets, boutonnieres and floral decor
◊ Meet with a travel agent to plan your honeymoon
◊ Book your honeymoon
◊ Apply for passports and travel visas, if you will be attending an international destination wedding or honeymoon
◊ Order your wedding invitations
◊ Order your wedding programs
◊ Order any additional printed items
◊ Shop for and order your wedding rings
◊ Have your wedding rings engraved (if applicable)
◊ Reserve all rental equipment (tents, chairs, etc.)
◊ Choose and reserve a block of rooms for your guests at the hotel
◊ Book your honeymoon suite for the wedding night

SIX MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING
◊ Choose and rent men’s wedding wardrobe
◊ Begin writing vows
◊ Select ceremony music
◊ Select ceremony readings
◊ Register for wedding gifts
◊ Send for name-change information, if necessary
◊ Arrange for transportation for guests
◊ Order pre-printed napkins, matchbooks, coasters, etc.
◊ Create maps to ceremony and reception locations for enclosure in the invitations
◊ Start scouting for wedding photograph locations
◊ Start planning the rehearsal dinner
◊ Book rehearsal dinner site and caterer
◊ Plan ‘wedding weekend’ activities, such as brunches, sporting events, barbecues, children’s events, tours, breakfasts, etc.
◊ Begin pre-wedding beauty treatments: skin care, massage, tanning, etc.
◊ If holding an at-home wedding, hire a landscaper to do lawn, trim shrubs, add extra plants or flower beds, mulch, etc.
◊ Make additional changes to home, such as painting rooms, installing carpet, etc.

THREE MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING
◊ Apply for your marriage license, according to the state’s requirements
◊ Go for your blood tests, according to the state’s time requirements
◊ Attend any pre-marital classes or counseling as required by your chosen faith
◊ If summer, holiday or destination wedding, send invitations to guests now
◊ Assemble invitation packages with all inserts
◊ Buy ‘Love’ stamps at the post office
◊ Begin your wedding gown fittings
◊ Choose and purchase your shoes and accessories for wedding day
◊ Bridesmaids’ and mothers’ fittings begin
◊ Choose and purchase children’s wedding day attire
◊ Consult with your wedding coordinator for any updates, confirmations, or changes
◊ Consult with caterer or banquet hall manager for updates
◊ Ask honored relatives and friends to perform readings at the ceremony
◊ Ask a relative or friend to serve as your emcee, and give him/her specific instructions
◊ Practice your wedding vows!
◊ Finalize your selections of ceremony readings and music
◊ Submit your song “wish list” to DJ or band, along with your list of spotlight dances
◊ Submit picture “wish list” to photographer
◊ Submit video “wish list” to videographer
◊ Arrange for babysitters to watch guests’ kids on the wedding day
◊ Finalize and confirm plans for the rehearsal dinner

TWO MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING
◊ Wedding gown fittings continue
◊ Purchase your “going away” outfit and honeymoon clothes
◊ Address invitations to guests (for non-holiday, summer or destination weddings)
◊ Assemble invitation packages
◊ Buy ‘Love’ stamps at the post office
◊ Mail invitations to guests six to eight weeks prior to the wedding
◊ Order or make your wedding programs
◊ Order or make your wedding favors
◊ Meet with ceremony musician about song list
◊ Have attendants’ shoes dyed in one dye lot
◊ Ask friends to participate in wedding, such as attending the guest book, transporting wedding gifts from reception to home, etc.
◊ Send for all name-change documents, such as passport, credit cards, driver’s license, etc.

ONE MONTH BEFORE THE WEDDING
◊ Apply for marriage license
◊ Meet with officiant to get the final information on ceremony elements, location rules, etc.
◊ Invite officiant to rehearsal dinner.
◊ Plan the rehearsal
◊ Invite bridal party and involved guests to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
◊ Confirm honeymoon plans
◊ Confirm wedding-night hotel reservations
◊ Make beauty appointment for wedding day
◊ Visit your hairstylist to ‘practice’ with hairstyles for the big day
◊ Visit your makeup artist for a ‘practice run’
◊ Get pre-wedding haircut, dye or highlights
◊ Fittings for your dress continue
◊ Pick up your wedding bands
◊ Have your rings appraised and insured
◊ Attend bridal showers
◊ Send thank you’s for bridal shower gifts
◊ Call wedding guests who have not RSVP’d to get the final headcount
◊ Create your seating chart for reception
◊ Write up seating place cards and table numbers
◊ Pick up honeymoon travel tickets and information books
◊ Make up welcome gift baskets for guests
◊ Purchase gifts for family members and bridal party
◊ Wrap and label gifts
◊ Purchase unity candle
◊ Purchase garters (get two – one for keeping, one for tossing)
◊ Purchase toasting flutes
◊ Purchase cake knife
◊ Purchase guest book
◊ Purchase post-wedding toss-its (birdseed, flower petals, bubbles, bells, etc) and decorate or personalize small containers, if you so choose
◊ Purchase throwaway wedding cameras
◊ Work on any do-it-yourself crafts you’ll make for the wedding

ONE WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING
◊ Confirm all wedding plans with all wedding vendors
◊ Caterer (give final headcount now!)
◊ Florist (give delivery instructions now!)
◊ Cake baker
◊ Photographer
◊ Videographer
◊ Lighting technician
◊ Ceremony musicians
◊ Reception entertainers
◊ Officiant
◊ Ceremony site manager
◊ Reception site manager
◊ Wedding coordinator
◊ Limousine company (give directions now!)
◊ Rental company agent
◊ Pay final deposits for all services
◊ Place tips and fees in marked envelopes for such participants as the officiant, ceremony musicians, valets, etc.
◊ If supplying your own beverages, conduct a shopping trip to the local discount liquor and beverage supply house for stocking up
◊ Visit a warehouse superstore to stock up on any items you’ll need for the wedding weekend (supplies to have at home, barbecue food, snacks, etc.)
◊ Drop off guest welcome baskets at hotel
◊ Groom picks up tux
◊ Groom and ushers pick up tux accessories, socks, shoes, etc.
◊ Arrange for house- and pet-sitters
◊ Notify the local police department of your upcoming absence, so that they can patrol your neighborhood
◊ Get travelers’ checks (if you so choose)
◊ Plan wedding day brunch, and inform bridal party and guests about it
◊ Plan your special toasts
◊ Ready wedding announcements to be mailed the day after the wedding
◊ Attend bachelor’s and bachelorette’s parties

THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING
◊ Supervise delivery of rental items to wedding location
◊ Supervise setup of all items at wedding location
◊ Finish packing suitcases and carry-ons for wedding night and honeymoon
◊ Stock your bag with your car keys, house keys, passports, ID’s, marriage license, wedding night and honeymoon hotel confirmations, medications, ATM card, etc.
◊ Arrange to have your car, with your honeymoon suitcases in the trunk, left securely in the wedding night hotel’s parking lot for use the next day or suitcases brought to the suite ahead of time
◊ Lay out all wedding day wardrobe and accessories
◊ Very important: plan your shower-time schedule for the next day!
◊ Hand out printed directions to all family members and bridal party members
◊ Confirm times for all attendants to show up on the wedding day, and where to go
◊ Arrange for someone to be in charge of handing out payment envelopes
◊ Hit the ATM to get cash on hand for emergencies, tips, valet, etc.
◊ Assemble your emergency bag with extra stockings, lipstick, pressed powder, emery boards, etc.
◊ Put a charged cell phone in the emergency bag
◊ Gas up the cars, just in case
◊ Go to the beauty salon to get waxed and tweezed
◊ Stock up on supplies for the wedding-morning breakfast, or call in your catering order
◊ Place last call to caterer or coordinator to finalize plans
◊ Attend the rehearsal
◊ Attend the rehearsal dinner
◊ Get a good night’s sleep!

ON THE WEDDING DAY
◊ Set out favors and place cards at reception site, if manager will not be doing it [some sites ask you to drop off your items a week ahead of time]
◊ Set out post-wedding toss-its where appropriate at ceremony site
◊ Set out guest book and pen
◊ Attend bridal breakfast
◊ Have a wedding day breakfast sent to where the men are getting ready
◊ Have hair and nails done at beauty salon
◊ Have makeup done
◊ Be dressed early!
◊ Have photos taken at home
◊ Double-check that someone responsible has arranged for your honeymoon suitcases to get into your car or to your hotel room.
◊ Double-check that the appropriate people have the wedding rings for transport to the ceremony
◊ Make sure the bag with your car keys, house keys, ID’s, passports, etc. comes with you to the wedding
◊ Relax as you leave for the wedding!
◊ Attend the wedding
◊ Have the time of your life!
◊ Attend the after-party
◊ Have a safe ride home!

THE DAY AFTER THE WEDDING – Chores to Assign
◊ Have someone supervise the return of rental company items
◊ Have someone supervise clean-up of the site, if necessary
◊ Get a signed receipt for the return of all rented items
◊ Have tuxes returned to rental store
◊ Hold day-after breakfast for guests
◊ Transport guests to airports, train stations etc. for their rides home
◊ Hire cleaning service if your home was the site of the wedding festivities